TheTravellingMadwife

Firstly apologies for the cheesy title to this one, it’s a private work joke, if you know, you know.

Secondly I’m gonna talk about ADHD, getting a diagnosis, understanding and how it’s changed my life. All of this and any of the blogs are all my opinion, not fact. So please if you disagree with anything I say don’t come at me, it’s OK to disagree, it’s OK to have different opinions or priorities or feelings about things, that’s what makes us all so special because we aren’t all the same.

So ADHD! I have only recently got an official diagnosis but I’ve known for probably a couple of years and as more information and resources become available, I learn more and more about it. And in turn about myself.

When I was waiting for my assessment people would ask me why it was important? What would it change? And the answer was I didn’t really know, I wouldn’t know until I got it, honestly.

When it was officially confirmed, I can’t tell you the size of the invisible weight that lifted, not just from my shoulders but from my heart. It was liberating.

I have a very VERY rocky history of love and relationships and I honestly think it’s because I didn’t know what I wanted, even if it was right in front of me. And I now realise it’s because I didn’t know myself, I didn’t know who I was and to be brutally honest I really didn’t like who I was. At all. I’d go so far as to say I hated myself for a very long time.

My counsellor once told me that if I treat myself badly then how can I expect anyone else to treat me better and it makes perfect sense. How could anyone love me and respect me if I didn’t do those things to myself.

Since I have had my diagnosis I understand myself so much more, I am now more forgiving of myself and my moods and some decisions I make. I am a reactive person and I’m learning to control that more. I know myself better than I ever have. My diagnosis has allowed me to accept myself, faults and all. Which in turn has allowed me to actually learn to LOVE MYSELF!

I’m crying as I write this because I’ve NEVER been able to say those words EVER! But I really do love myself now. I forgive myself for all my mistakes, for all my bad decisions. I am no longer hateful towards myself or angry at myself or blaming myself. I am greatful for the amazing friends and family I have and the life I have created for myself. It’s actually pretty fucking great.

So now that I love myself maybe the universe is sending things my way that I wouldn’t have been open to before. Maybe it’s finally the right time, right place. Who knows. I’m not going to overthink it (yeah right) I’m gonna just try and let myself be in the moment.

I’m going to live my life, laugh when ever and wherever I can and I’m going to fucking LOVE MYSELF!!!!!

Ange xx